what do you do....

Have you ever found yourself in a time in your life where you are stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place? I would guess that most of us have been there at one point or another. I am not sure if I am there yet or not but it seems that if I am not I will be there soon. As some of you know I am not currently employed anywhere. Additionally, most of you know that I am a teacher. Well the school year is literally days away here in Michigan and for the first time in several years I do not have a school to report to Tuesday morning. Tonight I took my son to his 6th grade orientation. As best as I could I got through it. I tried to focus on what he needed to know and not dwell on the emotions that kept trying to take a hold of me. It was hard for me to be in the school building. I miss the anticipation that comes with the start of a new school year. The joy of seeing faces that you haven't seen all summer, the anxiousness that the new year brings about, and the busyness of being sure that everything is set for the first day. All of these things are missing this year and I don't like the emptiness that is left in it's place. I am usually a person that speaks his mind but it seems that this blog is the only way for me to express my thoughts and feelings lately. For the first time in a long time I have thoughts of worry creeping into my mind. My wife has always gotten frustrated with me because I tend to have the attitude that everything is going to work out and I don't need to worry about it. I am trying to remain positive and keep that attitude because deep down I believe that God does have things in His control and I have nothing to worry about.........

.......but Satan seems to be hitting me hard with worry this week. The month is almost over and a new month is coming and we all know what a new month brings. So what do you do when you are faced with the temptation of sin, and I believe that worry is a sin (Matthew 6)?

The best answer that I have come up with is to turn it over to the Father. So I pray that I can overcome this worrying and put my complete trust in the one who created me and says not to worry. I ask that you lift my family and I up in prayer right now though as we are facing a lot of uncertainty and are continuing to strive for complete trust in Him. It would be greatly appreciated.

God Bless!

Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Aggie and Me

Today started with an early morning wake-up call from my alarm clock, aka, my cell phone. Aggie (my 3rd child) and I were leaving early to head to Indianapolis to my grandfather's home. We had a good trip down. We averaged over 70 mph and about 29 mpg on the trip. I won't give the exact stats on the speed because I do know that some law enforcement people read this blog sometimes. I will state that I was getting passed on a regular basis though. We arrived at Grandpa's shortly before 1 pm. We visited for a while, before he had to leave for some plans he had, then we went to get something to eat. We ended up taking a trip down memory lane and eating at the same place we had eaten at when we were basically snowed in at Christmas time a couple years ago. Aggie remembered it. The boneless wings and pizza were delicious. We then went back to the house for a little r & r. Aggie watched tv and I snoozed. We then decided to go on a little outing to a family amusement place. We did a round of miniature golf and played some games. We spent about 2 hours there having a great time. Afterwards we made a stop at a local DQ on the way back to Grandpa's. Now we are just hanging out. Aggie is getting ready for bed and I am watching a little Little League World Series action while blogging. It has been a good day. I don't get to spend enough time with each of my kids 1 on 1 like Aggie and I got to today. Logan and I probably get the most 1 on 1 time because of all the coaching I do for the teams he plays on but the others don't usually get dad to themselves for any length of time. I must try to do something about that from now on.

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We saw this car in the parking lot of the bowling alley next door to the place we went miniature golfing at. This Lamborghini has a handicap license plate but is no where near a handicap spot. It was actually closer to the road than the entrance to the bowling alley.

RIP Mr. Williams

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!

That is the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the name Robin Williams. I don't really know why it just is. It is by far not my favorite film of his, that would be Dead Poets Society. Mr. Williams is probably my all time favorite comedic actor. I remember the days of Mork and Mindy fondly. Nannoo Nannoo. The reports that his death is due to an apparent suicide are saddening. Why does someone who has so much choose to end his or her own life, is something we hear a lot of in situations like this. But did he really have all that much? Sure he probably was well off monetarily but obviously there was something missing from his life. We will probably never know for sure what that was but we do know that he was dealing with depression. 

Depression is a terrible thing. I know, I am dealing with it now. Feelings of inadequacy, feelings of uselessness, feelings that I am not good enough, and so on. I think we all have these feelings at different times and at differing degrees. According to WebMD and estimated 19 million American adults struggle with major depression. Statistically speaking, you probably talked to someone today that is dealing with depression. 

To go back to what I said about something being missing. What do you think that thing is? As many of you know I am a man of faith. I have a strong faith in God. Do I always rely on it like I should? To be blunt, absolutely not. I believe that as a Christian my faith is tested every day. Satan is constantly bombarding me with temptations, doubts, and other things to get me to question that faith. I am in a spiritual battle. We all are. We are all creations of the one Creator. In that creation we were made in His image. We were made by Him for Him. In His infinite wisdom he gave us the blessing of free will. (some days I think it is a curse) The one thing that I think is missing in many peoples' lives is a personal relationship with God and His son Jesus Christ. 

I know it has been quite awhile since I blogged, for many reasons, but this week I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine about some personal battles I am dealing with and he said I needed to start writing again. I agreed but wasn't really motivated to do it. Then tonight I read the news of Williams passing. I decided that writing good be good therapy tonight so I sat down at my computer and began to type. I realize I am rambling a bit but here is what I am getting at. You need to have a personal relationship with your Creator!

See, when you have a personal relationship with God you are never alone. If you believe in Jesus Christ, confess your sins, repent of those sins, and accept Him as your Lord and Savior you receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. That gift is priceless. In Romans 8:26 we are told "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness..." Depression is a weakness. I don't have to deal with that alone. I may not know what I need, or even exactly what the underlying issue is but because of my personal relationship and that gift of the Holy Spirit I can reach out to God in prayer through the Spirit and as the verse continues "We do not know what we out to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." I find it awesome that even though my feeble mind can't always make sense of a situation I can go to God in prayer and He will answer me. 

Do I have all the answers? No. I am in no ways a biblical scholar or an expert. I am just a simple man struggling each and every day to be the man God wants me to be. I am not perfect and most days lately have been failures by me to do my part in this relationship. But, as with any relationship, you have to work at it. So I will continue to work at strengthening my relationship with God and with His help I will battle the issues that I am faced with and I will survive and be stronger for it. But it will be because of Him, not me. 

In closing, Romans 8 finishes with a powerful couple of verses (38 & 39) "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, not anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Father's Day Tribute

Happy Father's Day!!

Today we celebrate the men in our lives that we call dad. Some people don't have a father that they can honor today, some due to absenteeism, some death, some don't even know their fathers. I am blessed beyond what I deserve because not only do I have a father who is involved and loves me but he is one of my best friends. He has always been there for me. I don't remember any of the big moments in my life where my dad wasn't there. I am sure he missed some things over the past 40 plus years but none that come to mind so they must not have been too important. I am blessed by his example that he has set, and continues to set for me. As many of you know I had a major life decision that I had to make just recently and I keep getting asked, what am I going to do now. I don't really know what my future holds at this point but due to my father's guidance, influence, and example I have a faith that allows me to understand that God has a plan and everything will work out in His time. I don't always understand (most of the time I don't) and I don't always have the patience to be faithful but I do know that without my dad's example I would not be able to handle things when they aren't what I want them to be. So dad, I love you, and thanks for all you have done, and continue to do in our family, in your school, and in your church. You are a blessing to all those that have the privilege of knowing you.

A story

Once upon a time a little boy wandered onto a neighborhood basketball court. The little boy had wandered away from the adjacent playground and the not so watchful eye of his older sister. He was drawn by the orange ball that lay alone at one end of the concrete court. Unnoticed by the boys playing at the other end he made his way to the ball that just seemed to be calling his name. He picked it up and dropped it. The ball bounced a couple of times and began to roll away, he gave pursuit, giggling the whole time. The process repeated several times till all of a sudden a booming voice yelled, "get that kid off the court!" One of the boys had noticed the toddler as play turned to head to that end of the court. Play stopped, a panicked older sister sprinted toward the court. Then, as if he knew the young boy, the oldest of the boys, a teenager, stopped the rolling ball and handed it to the smiling boy. At that moment a bond was formed, but not just any bond, it was a bond that would grow and be strengthened for years to come. A teenager, a toddler, and a basketball on a concrete court in a neighborhood park would be the starting point of a lifelong friendship.

So, you may be wondering who these people are in the story. To be honest with you I don't know. This is the synopsis of a dream of mine. A dream to write a book, or maybe a series of books, I really don't know. I had what I like to call a "slap to the face" moment this week. It is one of those moments where you are snapped back to reality so to speak, you realize that life is real, that we only have a certain amount of time here on this earth and we don't know how long that is. It was during this moment that I realized I have things running around in my brain and I need to get them written down and recorded before they slip away. I have begun writing a story about our recent adoption. It is still in it's infancy stages, it is going to be one of my summer projects. The story I shared at the start of this post is the central theme for what I hope to someday turn into a book. I have no time table, I have no set plans, just a head full of random little stories, some true, some fantasy, that through years of coaching, playing, and watching sports have played out in front of me and in my head. Stories filled with joy and sadness, highs and lows, diverse characters, but most of all relationships fill my thoughts tonight. Relationships are what is all about. Sometimes we miss that. We are too absorbed in ourselves, and our kids that we don't spend time tending to relationships beyond the walls of our own homes. Sometimes the relationships in our homes our the ones getting neglected. Regardless, we need to be attentive to all of our relationships. What are we putting into the relationship? What are we getting from the relationship? Is it a positive or negative relationship?

Please take time this week to assess your relationships. Have you really told the people you care about that you love them enough? If not do something about it.

Hanging in Indy

Wow!! It has been a long time since I have blogged. Sorry if you have been missing my ramblings. So it is spring break week and I am hanging out at my grandpa's house down here in Indianapolis. He was recently in the hospital after suffering a minor stroke. He has been home for a little while so I thought I would come down and hang out at his place for a couple of days. I took him to his OT and PT appointments today and got a lot of work done while sitting in the waiting room for him to get done. Last night we had some visitors, Rosanna, Angela, and Chance came over. Chance was a riot. He is a lot like my Maddex.

I brought my mom and my daughter Aggie with me. Aggie has had a blast. She has been playing in the yard, doing puzzles, and playing with the waffle blocks. She built a whole town last night.

It has been a good trip. We went out for dinner last night and tonight and ended up going to places where kids got to eat free so Aggie has eaten dinner for free both nights. Neither time did we know it till we got to the restaurants so that was a nice little treat. She thinks it is really cool too. Her big find of the trip were some seashells she found in the flower bed that we think Grandma Catherine must have put there at some time.

We ended up driving my parents van down though. On Monday, while my better half and I were running errands the transmission went out on our Impala. I had it towed to the local Chevy dealership thinking it would be covered by the extended warranty we had purchased when we bought the car. Of course we were over the mileage, still several months short of the 3 years, on the warranty so it isn't covered. Well several phone calls back to St. Louis from Indy and with the help of a very good friend our car will be getting fixed at another place for several hundred dollars cheaper than the dealership wanted to charge us. It is great to have good friends that are willing to step up for you when you need a little help. Thanks brother, you know who you are.

Tomorrow we will probably head back north. Not sure I really want to go but there is so much I need to do since baseball season for Logan starts Tuesday and I have a softball season to start preparing for too. Once again I will be coaching Logan's team and I am really excited for it to start. I just hope that we are going to be able to practice this next week. It wasn't looking good when I left St. Louis Tuesday but I am praying for a miracle.

Thank you!

I just want to take some time to thank everyone for the outpouring of congratulations, love, and support today as we officially adopted Maddex and Ella into our family. (though they have been our kids since they came to live with us) We are truly grateful for all of our family and friends who came out to support us and for those that posted or liked our tweets, and Facebook posts. We love you all!

We had so many people at court today that they held the proceedings in the bigger courtroom. The kids loved it. They were running around playing with everyone before and somewhat during the proceedings. Everything went great and there were plenty of hugs and laughter to go around. Then everything took a turn to a bit of panic. Ella and Taylor were playing around and Ella was kind of running around the area where the carpet and wood met and turned the corner a little fast and slipped and fell, cutting her chin. Needless to say the mood changed rather quickly. Grandma Wanda scooped her up and brought her to me and we then quickly made plans for a couple of the kids and it was off to the hospital for what would be 4 stitches. (poor Ella and Nicole spent almost 3 hours in the ER) Here is a photo of Ella sleeping this evening after getting her 4 stitches.

Thanks to Lyss and Mom Daniels for taking Aggie and Gwen and Wendy for taking Maddex during all the excitement.

So now that they are officially ours we can post photos of them online. I know some of you may have already seen some, since some of my sisters have posted pics already let me now introduce everyone to my entire family.

Front row (l to r) Aggie (10), Gwendalynn (8), Logan (11)

Back row (l to r) Taylor (15), Nicole (not going to tell you), Ella (1), Maddex (3), Me (old)

"Our children are not ours because they share our genes, or because a piece of paper says they are. They are ours because they are a part of our soul. It was not an accident that they came into our lives. It was God's design that led them home. It was Him who placed them in our soul even before they were born."